Monday, 28 May 2012

5 ways to make a great first impression

You’ve heard it before: Those first few seconds of interaction with someone new are crucial. Scientists have been very clear about how snappy we are when it comes to judgments — and that these appraisals are shown to be accurate. We trust these impressions, and with good reason.

So exactly how can you intrigue and impress when you meet someone new? Let the experts — some of them scientists — tell you:

1. Maintain eye contact with someone to show interest. If you wish to show particular interest in another person, hold eye contact a beat or two longer than you would with anyone else. Nicolas Boothman, author of How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, explains: “Sexy people slow down. They move at a different pace, giving others the opportunity to respond to them. When you ‘linger longer’ with your eyes, you show interest.” To create an opportunity to meet an attractive stranger, engage in the “promise withdraw.” Make eye contact, look away and then look back. You’ll make the object of your attention more eager to meet you.

2. Open up your posture to appear more welcoming when you flirt. Our body language plays a big role in how others see us, especially in the first few seconds before much has been said. The key to an inviting posture is simple: Expose your heart. This means your arms are uncrossed and your shoulders are relaxed or back; crossing your arms in front of your chest is a nonverbal cue for others to back off, so if you’re doing it because you’re cold, say so.                                                                                              

3. A genuinely positive attitude makes all the difference. While it’s true that others cannot read your mind, they can read your attitude. If your internal monologue is negative, this bad energy will manifest itself in ways you can’t really control… even if you try. Alexander Todorov, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Princeton University, points out that “fake smiles are never a good idea. People are very good at differentiating genuine from fake smiles.” So before you head into a new social situation, get yourself into a good mood — it will help put a genuine smile on your face later on. It may be something as simple as playing upbeat music or telling yourself you’re going to have a fun time.

4. Focus more, fidget less. In general, people who appear calm, cool and collected are more likely to make a favorable impression on others. “All self-manipulative movements create the impression of untrustworthiness,” explains Paul Ekman, Ph.D., author of Emotions Revealed and professor of psychology at the University of California Medical School in San Francisco. In other words, avoid fidgeting and averting your eyes. Dr. Ekman continues, “try to identify particular mannerisms you might do, [such as] twisting your hair, picking at your nails, etc. You can learn to stop doing those things.”

5. Recover from any initial awkwardness by staying warm and engaged in future interactions. Despite our good intentions, we all make mistakes sometimes. If you know you’ve made a bad first impression, you can undo the damage. Bernadette Park, professor of psychology at the University of Colorado, says that it is “possible to recover, but it takes a relatively large amount of ‘different’ data.” Dr. Todorov agrees: “If people have occasions to interact again and behave in ways that disconfirm the impression,” a reversal of opinion can happen. Show self-awareness about what you did wrong during your first meeting with the other person. For example: If you were curt or distracted, explain why and make an extra effort to be warm and engaged in subsequent interactions. You just may be able to ensure that your second or third impression trumps that not-so-hot first one!

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Top 5 things that drive women crazy

How many times have you heard a woman say, “Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em!” when it comes to men? Ten? Twenty? A thousand times? No matter how much women love men (and vice versa, of course), they drive them crazy sometimes! Here are the top five things that make gals bonkers when it comes to guys.

1. Trying to “fix” things instead of listening. The terrific show Modern Family addressed this common point of contention between the sexes when Phil Dunphy went to the spa and his wife Claire called him with a problem. He tried to fix it, but fortunately, the spa ladies set him straight. All she really needed (and wanted) was a sympathetic ear and some recognition for all the things that she did for her family.

There are no shortcuts when it comes to being a good listener — and women can tell the difference if a man is faking it. If you’re a man who wants to be a better listener, try maintaining eye contact, reframing what she’s said to make sure you understand it, and uttering affirming statements, such as: “That must’ve been really hard,” “It sounds like you handled it very well,” or asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?”What should you do if your partner is a perennial “fixer” instead of simply listening to you? Chances are, you’ve already tried to explain why his fixation on fixing things doesn’t work for you. The next step might be to remind yourself that, despite this annoying habit, your man isn’t all bad. When it comes to dealing with his shortcomings, “the key is to focus on what you like about the person, not what you don’t like,” counsels Marc Muchnick, Ph.D., author of No More Regrets! 30 Ways to Greater Happiness and Meaning in Your Life. “What about this person is unique and special? The answers should help minimize the [impact of] annoying behaviors.”

2. Behaving in a way that could be perceived as lazy or indecisive. “Women are made crazy by men that don’t ‘man up,’” says Marni Battista, expert dating coach and founder of “From saying they will call and not following through to texting instead of picking up the phone to make a date, women are learning that it is less common to find a man who embodies chivalry and good, old-fashioned alpha male energy.” Women hate it when men are lazy with maintaining their personal appearance, forgetful about making plans, or avoid making decisions. And they particularly dislike it when men are emotionally passive by saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of really apologizing when it’s called for during an argument. Ask yourself: Do I take the path of least resistance when it comes to dealing with women and with my life? If the answer is “yes,” chances are good you’re guilty of this one. Try a little harder to impress her and make her feel valued, and you might be surprised at how much happier and more fulfilling your relationship becomes.

And if you’re a lady who’s dealing with a lazy dude? Pick your battles wisely. You’re not going to turn a hoodie-wearing Xbox addict into James Bond overnight. By being clear about what you expect (and by asking for realistic things, like the occasional fancy date night), you’ll see some progress. If you don’t, tell your man-child to take a hike.

3. Not paying attention to her feelings. Women are emotional beings. They notice things — like stand-offish body language or the time a guy paid more attention to other women on their date — and they don’t like it. Why do men sometimes act so callously? “These [behaviors] persist because people don’t work on dealing with their issues as much as they should, and they simply leave a relationship when they’re frustrated, even though the same problems often rear their heads in the next relationship,” says Dr. Seth Meyers, a Los Angeles-based psychologist and author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription. In a society rich with dating options, men might think they can get away with unkind behavior; it’s up to women to tell them that they can’t. “If he drives you crazy because he’s inconsistent, uses language that puts down women, is secretive about himself after months of dating, or prefers his time alone over time with you, you’re probably better off moving on,” advises Linda R. Young, Ph.D., a psychologist and relationship coach who blogs for Psychology Today.

4. Paying too much attention to technology toys. We get it; smartphones and their attendant text messages, Twitter feeds and Facebook status updates are fascinating. But when a man spends more time looking a tiny screen instead of the face that’s right in front of him, there’s a problem. “Tell your partner what effect his behavior has on you and be specific about what you want to see [him doing] instead,” says Young. “For example: ‘When you keep texting other people while we’re having dinner, it sends the message to me that I am not your priority when we’re out together. I understand your needing to stay in touch at work during off-hours, but I think not using the phone while we’re eating dinner (barring emergency calls) is reasonable. What do you think is reasonable?’”

5. Taking her for granted. A good relationship is not one in which the male half is spending most of his free time with his buddies in dives, playing video games or watching sports. If this is how you’d prefer to spend all your time, why even bother having a girlfriend? Obviously, women need to give their partners space to socialize outside of their relationship, but the key is finding a good balance. Communicate with your partner about what she feels is reasonable when it comes to deciding how you’ll both spend your time. If her expectations are completely different than yours about the amount of quality time she requires, you may not be a good match. “Overall, for a relationship to work long-term, your partner’s personality has to be one that yours meshes smoothly with,” explains Meyers. It’s the same with setting expectations.
                     make una no vex say e too long no be my fault

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Experts: What Role Does Ambition Play In a Relationship?

Women and men have ways of motivating each other for the greater mutual success. The need for a partner with drive and ambition is an overarching common criterion among people looking for healthy relationships.Ambition affects how we choose our partners and is an attractive quality when a person gives you the confidence that they will always be looking to improve on their successes. It begs the question of what role ambition plays in the dynamic of our relationships; how do we reconcile our need for better things? It is important to know that when ambition, positively or negatively motivated, is driving or dragging on your partnership. Here are just a few ways ambition plays a significant role in a relationship:

This is where the prospect of ambition becomes a two-pronged situation. Ambition is a dangerous factor in the scope of a relationship – it can bring goal-oriented love birds together or it can split you in two different directions. Someone ambitious for a life as a successful writer who is dating someone ambitious for immediate success in a finance career might have a hard time making that work. Our level of ambition affects the way we make career and social choices.

The notion that “love conquers all” is difficult to uphold when you have a mortgage to pay. This, of course, is different than gold digging. However, when people are looking for their potential life-long mate, they are essentially searching for someone who is, or plans to be, financially stable. In that reality, ambition walks hand in hand with how far you’re willing to take your relationship.

Ambition should, at the very least, determine what kind of partner you pursue. It’s unfair to pursue someone who won’t help you achieve the things for which you’re ambitious. While it isn’t someone else’s job to adjust their entire life strategy in the interest of solely supporting the life you want, you should find someone who is willing to compromise in the means of supporting both you and their endeavors. In this sense, you should also make sure that you are both following paths that are more or less on the same track. The search of lasting love, being taken care of emotionally and being loved for who you are all timeless notions.

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TDB: 50 yr old dies after non-stop sex night with boyfriend

 A 50-year-old woman from Mutare's sprawling high-density suburb of Sakubva has died after a marathon sex session at her boyfriend's house. She died of breathing complications.

The tragedy which happened in the wee hours of Tuesday at House No. 26B Chisamba Singles, shocked residents of the populous suburb.

The acting Manicaland provincial police spokesperson, Assistant Inspector Enock Chishiri, confirmed the incident and said Caroline Gatura was pronounced dead upon arrival at the Mutare Provincial Hospital where she was rushed after suffering from breathing complications. Her boyfriend Jefter Shoko (52) tried in vain to save her.
"The two were having a 'nice time' at Jefter's house when Gatura developed breathing complications and she collapsed. Jefter hired a vehicle to ferry her girlfriend to hospital, but she was pronounced dead upon arrival," he said.

Asst Insp Chishiri said the police were waiting for a post mortem to ascertain the actual cause of her death.
He said the pair were not married. But they usually spent most of the nights together. The boyfriend has confirmed that on this occasion they got carried away in the bedroom.

Monday, 14 May 2012

STORY! I Married My Husband Out Of Sympathy – Ara the female drummer

One of Africa’s leading female drummers and singers, Aralola Olumuyiwa popularly known as Ara, will certainly not live to forget her past in a hurry. Few years ago, she got married to her ex-husband, Prince Nurudeen Olalekan Saliu, a marriage she described as her “greatest undoing.”

In this interview with Showtime Celebrity, Ara explains the circumstances that led her to go into that marriage, her present predicaments as well as the plans she has for tomorrow.

Motherhood seems to have tamed you. You’re more relaxed than the last time we saw you before your marriage.Yes, it has.

So how has it affected you?
Before I had my son, I had always loved children and I used to visit orphanages to spend time with the kids. So, when I had my baby, it softened me and made me appreciate life and God the more.

So whenever I’m down and losing hope because I’m human, I look at my boy and realize I have a reason to go on in life because God has given me this gift for a reason. I asked God for a boy and I got everything I asked from Him.

So, you probably asked God for a husband too?
I didn’t.

You didn’t ask God for a husband?
No, I didn’t ask God for my ex-husband. At that point in time, I didn’t see any need to ask and that was the greatest mistake of my life.

You walked into it with your eyes shut?
Yes, I did.

You were at the peak of your career and all of a sudden one heard that you were getting married and nothing was heard of the guy before. What did you see in him?
There’s so much I can’t talk about on the pages of newspapers. But at that time, some things were programmed and you can’t walk away from it. The major thing was that I was leaving things with my management for years and was shielded from the world.

I had no friend, I didn’t socialize. And I wasn’t allowed to do so not because I didn’t want to. Even my parents did not have easy access to me during that time.

It was that bad. At a point, I was told he was the best for me, that nobody loved me and wished me well, that the only person that wished me well was my management.

And of course, I bought the story. It got to a point that my mother fought her way backl into my life as she refused to go and I really appreciated her coming into my life at that point in time. I tried dating during that period but it didn’t click.

This guy was somebody I’d dated between 1994 and 1995 before he left the country. He messed up in the process, causing our break up. Later, he returned to me and I forgave him. But he messed up again and I forgave him again. After a while, he left Nigeria and I told myself that I was done with the relationship.

But it then came to a point, when I needed a shoulder to lean on and he was the only one who could stand the pressure from my management. So, I found in him a friend again, somebody I could naturally share my problems with.

But naturally, he would never have been my choice in terms of my kind of man. It happened that he was the only one around me at that time I could talk to because I realized a lot of things went wrong with my management deal and set up. So, naturally, I gravitated towards him.

So you married him out of sympathy?
Yes that was part of it but there’s more to it that I can’t talk about.

So finally, it ended. How did that feel?
It hurts for one reason because I never prayed for my child to come from a broken home. I regretted the marriage and everything but I don’t regret my son. My son came to me at a time I needed someone of mine. But now, he can’t see his dad the way I would have wanted him to because I’m separated from his dad.

But you’re still very good friends
I wouldn’t say we are good friends at the moment, but we tolerate each other because sometimes he needs to speak with his son and I wouldn’t deny him access to the boy. Recently, he had another baby from another woman and I cut off from him totally because this is Nigeria and I need to protect my son and myself.

I wouldn’t want a situation where his new woman would think her man is coming back to me. She ’ll see me as a threat to having her way in the man’s life. The moment he had another son, I warned him to stop calling my son the way he used to, not because I don’t want him to but because I don’t want to have problem s with any woman.

Does he take responsibility?
Not at all. I’ve been the sole provider for my son.

You talk like someone who isn’t interested in any relationship again?
I wouldn’t say I’m seeing anyone at the moment. I wish I could. I want to but I don’t know who to trust and I can’t allow anybody into my life because I’m answerable to my son. I can’t afford to allow him see many men in my life.

I want him to grow up knowing that I’m a responsible mum who did everything to give him the best in life. The father isn’t there so I’m both the father and the mother. I have so many men who are saying they love me but I don’t know them. I want to know them but I sense that they are not genuine.

They just want Ara but people would say how would I know them if I don’t give them a chance. But the thing is that I smell a rat. My heart was broken and I’m a very emotional person. I’m sensitive and naturally show so much love and I want it too. But I find it difficult to see love around me.

I keep saying that my sister-in-laws are lucky to have my brothers because I see the way my brothers treat their wives but I don’t see most of it out there. And because I look younger than my age, I get more of younger toasters and I can’t do that.

Talking about love, is it that while growing up, you lack love?
There was love in my family. I’m my father’s ‘last wife’ because I’m very close to him. Like I said, my sister-in-laws are lucky to have my brothers because they saw a love-filled environment My brothers understand what it means to take care of a woman.

So what it means is that, let me just say that I find it difficult to trust. I’m not trusting and anyone shouldn’t blame me. There’s so much pressure on me from men but I’m just not seeing it now.

You’re not available for now?
I am but I’m not trusting...

What were you telling up and coming female artiste?
I was telling them what I experienced in my marriage. Even the men I opened up to couldn’t believe I went through all I did and I’m still able to do all I do on stage.

Was your experience that bad?
Yes it was bad.

Was he a wife beater?
I don’t want to talk about it. You’re recording so I can’t talk.

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Saturday, 12 May 2012

10 Places you will anxiously like to Visit

These are 10 places which you should visit. Heaven is a place on earth. If you are to judge by photos I am sure the first thought would be “Does this really exists?”. You will fell in love with photos, but the very sight will take your breath.

1. Wisteria Tunnel

Wisteria Tunnel is located at the Kawachi Fuji Gardens in Kitakyushu, Japan. Flowering trees hang overhead and the different colored rows speckle the garden.

2. Cinque Terre, Italy

The Cinque Terre is part of the coast in the Liguria region of Italy. The terraces built on the rugged landscape are a popular tourist attraction.

3. Hotel La Montaña Mágica

Magic Mountain hotel is exactly what you think it is. It’s a hotel shaped like a mountain that spews water from the top. It’s located in Huilo Huilo, a private Natural Reserve in the Los Rios region of Chile.

4. The Crooked Forest

The Crooked Forest is located right outside of Nowe Czarnowo, West Pomerania, Poland. The grove contains approximately 400 pine trees with bent trunks. They were planted sometime in 1939, but why or who made them crooked is unknown.

5. Tunnel Of Love
Giant trees surround this old train tunnel located in Kleven, Ukraine. The magical-looking place is nicknamed “The Tunnel Of Love” by locals because it is a popular spot for couples to visit.

6. Blue Lagoon Hot Springs

The Blue Lagoon hot springs in Iceland are man-made bodies of water, but the springs are heated naturally with the volcanic activity on the island. The springs are especially beautiful in the snowy winter, and the water still quite toasty.

7. Ice Canyon

The ice canyons in Greenland were carved by meltwater and are as deep as 150 feet.

8. Ball Pyramid

Ball Pyramid is the world’s tallest sea stack. It is the remains of a shield volcano formed about 7 million years ago. It is 562 meters high and is located southeast of Lord Howe Island in the Pacific Ocean.

9. The Great Barrier Reef

The Great Barrier Reef is the world’s largest coral reef system. It’s located in the Coral Sea, off the coast of Queensland, Australia. It’s so large, you can see it from outer space. The reef is a very popular destination for scuba divers and other tourists.

10. Plitvice Lakes National Park
Plitvice Lakes National Park is the oldest national park in Southeast Europe and the largest park in Croatia. The park is filled with luscious green scenery, beautiful lagoons, and amazing waterfalls.